★★☆☆☆
“The calendar is lovely. We now have four children.”
Reproductive Wellness
MAGA Birth Control™
Results may vary wildly.
$49.76was $12.76 · price increased
Ships in 3–5 business days from a warehouse that does not exist.
For thousands of years, families planned using only the moon, the harvest, and scripture. MAGA Birth Control™ returns you to that proven tradition by removing every advancement made since.
Kit includes one (1) 12-month wall calendar and one (1) King James Bible. No batteries, no hormones, no efficacy.
ParodyNot for saleNot medical advice
Drug Facts
Active ingredientPurpose
Wall calendar (1), King James Bible (1)Family planning, aspirational
Uses
- Provides a place to write things down
- Provides something to read while writing things down
Warnings
- This product does not prevent pregnancy.
- The calendar year is 2019. We had extras.
- Consult a physician. The physician will also tell you this does not work.
- Keep out of reach of anyone hoping this works.
Directions
- Hang calendar in a well-lit area.
- Circle days. Any days.
- Open Bible to a page. Read until the feeling passes.
Other information
Calendar features 12 photographs of eagles. The eagles are unrelated.
Questions? There is no number to call. This panel is a parody of the FDA Drug Facts label. Nothing described here exists, and nothing here is medical advice.
Verified* Reviews
*Not verified. Not reviews. Not real people.
★★★★★
“Works exactly as described, which is to say it does not work.”